I wrote for an hour yesterday and it felt great! I didn't have that nervous, self-doubting phase to overcome. I just jumped right in and got to it.
I wish it could always be like that.
Today I struggled the whole time and never was able to shut-up that nasty critical inner voice. I never got into a rhythm, and had to force myself to keep at it.
I worry that I've put too much pressure on myself, setting this 6-month goal. After all, there's no real reason why it has to be done in 6 months. I guess I'm just afraid that if I don't give myself a concrete deadline, I'll never finish. I've noticed that the closer I get to the finish line, the slower my day-to-day progress. Almost like I'm scared to finish.
Actually, I know I am scared to finish. Once it's done then I have to put it out there, and it might not be any good.
I try to tell myself that it doesn't have to be "good". If I get it to a point where I like it, it doesn't matter what other people think. It doesn't matter if it never gets published. But in the back of my mind I really want to succeed with this. I want to be published. I want my "job" to be Novelist.
It is terrifying going after your dreams, because if you try and then fail, then you have to give up on them. But of course dreams have no chance of coming true if you don't try. I am trying. It's just scary.
I'm going to write some more tonight. Maybe it'll go better. I've experienced this writing roller coaster before. You're up then you're down, and there's no way to predict those highs and lows ahead of time. You just have to hold on tight and ride them out.