Embarrassing Admission

---

I've been listening to Justin Timberlake lately while I write.

It helps somehow.

Yes, I know I am a 37-year-old woman with two kids.

But it helps, OKAY?!?!

I'm hoping I haven't lost any friends over this. Please don't lose all respect for me! (Wyo, I'm talking to you! ;o)

Oooh, "SexyBack" is coming up next on my play list! That's a good one!

It *is* possible!

---

She posted weeks ago about this, but since I've been a slacker, lately, when it comes to reading blogs, I only read about it today.

Susan Adrian has an agent!

Isn't that terrific! I'm so excited for her. :o)

(And it's also inspired me to send out another round of submissions!)

Congratulations, Susan!

2008

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In lots of ways, 2007 was a great year. I finished my book, went on two amazing trips, and became an auntie again. There's nothing to complain about, and lots to celebrate and appreciate.

On the writing front, however, I'm in a low place. Part of the reason is that I'm still not sure what I should write. I feel called to write the sequel to my first book. That's the story I can see right now. But I'm scared to work on it because the acceptance of the first book is so uncertain. Writing a sequel doesn't make a lot of sense if the first book doesn't sell.

I wish something different would ask me to write it, but so far, except for the short story I wrote a couple months ago, nothing has grabbed me. There are lots of ideas whirling around my imagination, but none have taken hold. The story for the sequel is too compelling.

So I think I need to write the second book, even though it might not make the most practical sense right now. But I've never approached writing fiction from a calculated, practical place. Instead, I've tried to trust that the story won't let me down, and let it tell itself, through me. That was easier to do when it was just the story and me. Now it's me and the story and the agents. Big, fat, YIKES!

But as I'm constantly telling my kids, it's important to be grateful for what you have, instead of constantly pining for what you don't. I have a book to submit to agents--something I worked for for years. I know I can find stories, and connect to them, and set them down in a readable way. I have supportive friends and family. Aside from this current writing low, I have NOTHING to complain about. In my personal life, things are great.

And if I had a choice between creating something I didn't connect strongly with, even if it was snapped up right away; and writing a story that takes over my imagination and amazes and surprises me, even if it takes awhile to be appreciated by the pros, I'd choose the compelling story and the strong connection. No question at all.

Whew! I guess I do know what I should be writing.

Happy 2008, everyone! (Instead of "everyone" I should probably just say Cindy and wyo. :o) Hope you have a terrific year!

There is no right

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I have good girl disease. I'm a rule follower. I like to do things right.

Want an example? In the parking lot at my kids' school there is a lane that's marked in bright yellow spray paint "Buses Only". This lane takes you right up to the front of the school; it's certainly the most convenient. Plus it's free of speed bumps. Lots of other parents use the "Buses Only" lane, but I never do. Even in the middle of the school day when there's no chance a bus might appear. Even if I have to go up to the school on a Saturday.

That yellow spray paint says "Buses Only" and I drive a Ford Explorer, not a bus. Obviously the right thing to do is to stick to the slower, more inconvenient, speed bump infested option.

When I was pregnant each time, I did that right. I followed the rules. I never drank. Never took so much as a Tylenol. I slept on my left side. I never took a hot bath. I wouldn't stand near the microwave when it was running. All the things you were supposed to do, I did.

I like to do what I'm supposed to do.

But lately I've started to think that trying to be right all the time is causing me a lot of unnecessary mental anguish--especially when it comes to writing.

Sure there are mountains of writing rules one can try to follow. Check out all of those writing books and web sites and you'll find lots of rules that good writers are supposed to adhere to*. Here are a few, just off the top of my head:

• Minimize the use of adverbs.


• Use "said" instead of "interjected" or "exclaimed" or even better don't use any dialogue tags at all. If you're doing it "right" the reader should know who is speaking without you having to tell them.


• In fact don't tell anything: Show don't tell, right?

But what's frustrating when one is a rule follower is that those writing rules are broken all the time. Pick up virtually any book out there and you'll see examples of writing that doesn't follow the rules.

I've been pulling my hair out trying to write the right way, and there is no right way.

How did I realize this? I just finished Stephenie Meyer's Twilight, and I loved it. I gobbled it down in one day, I was so riveted. But Meyer doesn't always follow the writing rules. Actually, she breaks them regularly.

And what's worse in my mind, her story doesn't follow my own personal code for what's right. Her heroine is drawn to someone profoundly dangerous. In fact her heroine is just plain weak in lots of ways. She's rescued time and time again by a someone who's all wrong for her. Her life is literally in danger from being with this guy, but she doesn't care. She'd die for love.

Ugh! As a teen, I'd have bought that "love is worth anything" premise without hesitating. But now that I'm old and jaded and cynical I know that love is NOT worth anything. Still I tore through the book and can't wait to read the next in the series.

But it wasn't right. So why did I enjoy it so much?

Maybe because art can't be quantified by a list of rules. Maybe because when it comes to creativity there is no right.

I think I'm chasing my tail and torturing myself over something that doesn't exist. I've been convinced that if I try hard enough I should be able to write the right way. But there is no right. What works for one person is not going to work for someone else. I know I've said that before, but I hadn't connected it to my all-consuming need to be right all of the time.

There is no right. There is no right.

I'm going to keep saying that to myself, and I hope eventually, it will sink in!


______________________
* In case you're wondering about whether or not it's right to end a sentence with "adhere to", most of the time it's fine to end sentences with prepositions. Check out this article if you don't believe me!

Evidence of my distraction

aka: The Aftermath






Writers are supposed to avoid clichés, but I'm too tired from Thanksgiving to muster up the energy to say anything other than...







A picture's worth a thousand words!











So here are three pictures to make up for the three thousand words I haven't written lately and to explain why I haven't had time to write them.










Guess I'd better wrap this up and head back to the kitchen...

(sigh)

Concise is nice, right?

---

This will be another brief entry. (How can it be Friday again already?!)

Cindy mentioned in her comment to my last post that sometimes amazing things come from writing even when you're uninspired.

That happens to me regularly!

So I've had to force myself to work a couple of times this week (which has turned out to be even busier than I thought), but even so, the story has moved in a really interesting direction.

I love it when that happens!

The kids and I are going away for the weekend, then they are off school all next week, and I'm hosting a T-giving dinner for 10 people at my house on Thursday, so I'm not expecting to make a lot of progress in the near future. But I'm going to sit down every day regardless. Even if I don't make my 1000 word a day goal every day, any progress is better than none. And who knows what will crop up? If I make myself sit down and do it, I know progress will be made somehow!

It's Friday, so I have to blog about something!

---

For some reason, all of my recent entries have been on Fridays. I'm not sure why that is, but now posting on Friday feels compulsory. So here I am even though I don't feel particularly inspired.

Please bear that in mind as you read the three scattered thoughts to follow.

1. The 1000-word-a-day plan is going well--although the next few weeks are rife with school holidays and minimum days so I will have more mom-responsibilities than usual and it might be difficult to stay on track.


2. The story is coming together. I still have a lot of unanswered questions, but I feel pretty confident (most of the time) that I'll find the answers eventually.


3. I think the nice thing about having a word count goal is that it keeps you working, even when you don't feel like writing--even when you're uninspired. Hey! That's kind of like having a must-blog-on-Fridays policy!

So there you have it! Uninspired and compulsory, but also done!

See you next Friday!

The Plan

My new approach is twofold:

1. Write 1000 words a day--even on days where I don't have a lot of time, like the weekends. I'll get up early to write as usual, and squeeze the rest of the words in during the day. I've managed to get 1000 new words written every day this week, except for Halloween, which was super busy, so I only managed 500.

2. On the days when I do have more time, after I've gotten my 1000 done, I'll revise what I've already written. Some writers can keep going forward on a first draft without revising, but I don't think I have it in me to write only SFD. Plus I enjoy revising (most of the time) and trying to get my wording just right.

At first, I worried that at an 1000-word a day pace, I wouldn't be able to keep up with the revising. But so far it hasn't been a problem. That might change later in the month. The kids have a lot of days off in November.

But regardless, I'm making much better progress than I was, so for now, I'd say this new approach is working well for me.

And since this has to be my most boring blog entry ever (and that's saying something!), I'm going to close with a quote and a link.

My daughter's class is reading Laura Ingals Wilder's Little House on the Prairie. One of the assignments contained this passage:

When Laura peeked out from behind the slab again, both Indians were looking straight at her. Her heart thumped into her throat and choked her with its pounding. Two black eyes glittered down into her eyes. The Indian did not move, not one muscle of his face moved. Only his eyes shone and sparkled at her.

Isn't that great? I love the language: simple and understandable but also unique and incredibly descriptive.

And here's the link, which has nothing to do with fiction, but I'm throwing it out here anyway:

1977 JC Penney Catalog

Prepare to be amused!

Cheetah Girl

I'm going to become a cheetah: strong, and fleet, and focused.

What is Renée babbling about now?

Last year I wrote a rather negative post about my struggles with finding enough time to write and trying to balance the pulls of motherhood against my desire to write my story. In response, the amazingly talented (and now bestselling author!) Vicki Pettersson recommended I check out Lynn Viehl's e-book, The Way of the Cheetah. I did and it was SO helpful.

Viehl recommends that one write like a Cheetah on the hunt--keep your eye on your prey and pursue it with a single-minded determination.

Lately I've been writing more like a sea anemone: sitting in one place, my appendages outstretched and waving, hoping little bits of food will find their way into my mouth.

My situation now is so different than where I was last year. Now I have more time--not the hours and hours a day I imagined I'd have once both of my kids were in school, but much more time than ever before. But instead of squeezing every bit of productivity I can out of my day, I've been slower, lazier, spoiled by the thought of all of those hours available to me, and more likely to put writing off since I can always write later.

But if you don't write now because you can write later, you won't get much done

So I'm going to be a cheetah and set a new, ambitious productivity goal--one that I couldn't have met last year, but can now because I do have more time. I'm not going to screw around anymore; I'm going to take advantage of the extra time and get busy.

I'm not brave enough yet to post the goal here--I've still got to get used to the idea. But expect to hear more about this soon!

Missing BC

This weekend is the Surrey International Writers' Conference in Surrey, BC. I went in 2004 and 2006, but I'm not going this year. It is a fabulous event--the presenters are first-rate and just by attending you get to have one-on-one, face-to-face meetings both to have your work critiqued as well as to pitch your ideas.

I had incredible experiences both times I went and am a little blue not to be going this year. It's so much fun and so inspiring!

Something New

I finished a short story!

I'd been feeling so stuck with Book 2 and an idea for a short story popped into my head so I decided to see where it would take me. It relates to my first novel, but neither story nor book depend on each other. It's also written in a very different voice than I've used before. What a blast to think as someone so far removed from myself.

I love finishing! When writing novels, you don't get to finish very often. But having a complete story--something I can share with other people--feels great! Maybe I'll have to write more short things. If nothing else, switching gears might help me get through those seemingly inevitable rough patches in the novel writing process.

Now I'm ready to get back on track with Book 2. I'm hoping this diversion was exactly what I needed to immerse myself in that world once more.

"It's not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both."

--E.B. White, Charlotte's Web

I had a fabulous conversation today with someone who’s both a true friend and a good writer. We talked about stories and characters and where they come from. I told her about how I got started on my novel, and the spark that inspired me to begin. This small kernel of an idea grew and became more complex and rich and interesting as I was writing.

Basically you don’t have to know what’s going to happen in a story before getting started. You don’t even have to know much about your characters. You can find them and learn all sorts of interesting things about them as you write. It’s such a freeing realization, that you don’t need to know everything about your story before you start, or even more than just the tiniest tidbit. Most of it you can find along the way.

It was so great to talk to her about all of that because I had forgotten how babyish those initial steps were for me four plus years ago when I began writing fiction. It helped so much to remember how slowly I started. I think one of the reasons I’ve been so paralyzed lately is that I’ve been thinking about the whole of book two, instead of taking it step by baby step like I did with book one.

I don’t have to know much about what’s going to happen in this second book. I'll find it as I go.

She can too, and I can't wait to read what she discovers!

Process Juggling

So I'm submitting my first book, beginning book 2, and hoping not to explode into a cloud of anxiety in the meantime.

Trying to find an agent is both terrifying, and strangely exciting. There's an element about it of taking a deep breath and stepping off a cliff. I can't think about what's really happening too much, I just have to do it. But paradoxically, I also have to pay close attention to all of the details because they need to be perfect. So I'm in an odd place of trying to detatch emotionally from what I'm doing, while at the same time really focusing on it. No wonder I'm a little scattered right now!

Because of the frightening nature of the submitting process, I'm having some trouble diving into book 2. You see, in the early drafting phases of a story, I have to play a lot of mind games with myself because often what initially emerges from my brain and lands on the screen is...shall we say...less than perfect. It's usually quite bad, in fact. So knowing that my writing has to be darn good for an agent to want to take me on, makes it hard for me to let go and be bad in the drafting phase. I can't forget that what I'm writing is eventually going to be read, because right now I'm sending out something I've written to be read by people who are evaluating it! My stomach sinks, just typing the words! True, the writing the agents are reading is different writing, but tell that to my anxious thoughts. They are having trouble differentiating.

But as I mentioned in my last entry, I realize I need to write and be creative. It helps me handle everything. Something about that creative outlet brings me peace. So while in some ways, the new writing adds to my nervousness, it also helps reduce it.

Yeah, that doesn't really make sense, even to me!

I am a writer

Why do I feel so sheepish declaring it? I am. I've recently realized that I need to write for my emotional health. Sure it can be difficult, but it's something worthwhile to stress about. I'd much rather agonize over a problem in a story I'm creating, or getting my language just right, than the laundry or my grimy floors.

My kids are both in school now, so I have more time. I'm going to take advantage of it. I've started my second novel, and my first is going out to agents.

I really am a writer. Maybe someday I'll feel comfortable saying so.

Rats!

I wanted to post more to my blog, but it's been over a week and I still haven't gotten back to it. Ugh!

And there's no time right now to compose a new entry, but in the spirit of putting up something, I thought I'd post a link to an article I read recently that relates to one of my 7 "random" facts. Timely don't you think? Check out the ad at the bottom. Doesn't exactly match the article's content!

Be back soon, I hope!

;P










(Oh and in keeping with the theme of this entry, the kids are I are going to see Ratatouille this afternon!)

Update and some not exactly random facts

So, I haven't stopped writing, I've just stopped blogging. But wyo tagged me, and I remembered: I have a blog! Maybe I should get back to it.

However, since I've found a way to deal with all of the emotion and angst I used to describe here, I'm not sure what to blog about. I'll have to put some thought into it.

But, first things first: here's an update. I finished editing the beta version of my novel in May. Three incredibly-generous-with-their-time friends read/are reading the manuscript, and I'm now incorporating their comments. I still haven't heard from one person, but the two who have responded said (*blush*) that they really liked it. Nice to hear. Okay, who am I kidding...it was GREAT to hear! So the time to send the manuscript out to literary agents is approaching. :o)

Now on to wyo's tag. 7 random facts. Hmm...random. How can one consciously think randomly? Wouldn't you have to choose many facts first, say 100 or so, and then randomly select 7 of them? Sorry, I'm not going to do that. Coming up with 7 is going to be tough enough.

Anyway, without further ado, here are the first 7 facts about me that popped into my head just now (and that I am willing to share publicly).

1. I can tie the stem of a cherry into a knot, using only my mouth. It is an innate ability, which I didn't know I had until I was around 20 and tried to do it for the first time. Bet you didn't know I was so talented!

2. I hate eating popsicles. I can't stand popsicle sticks. Something about them give me the creeps. And the thought of chewing on one (which I realize is not a necessary part of the popsicle-eating experience) is horrifying. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me, and I have no idea why.

3. I like rats. Well not wild rats, but pet rats. My kids have two and they are so sweet and friendly, with such cute personalities. Several times last year when I walked my daughter to school, I brought the rats, who sat on my shoulder or hid underneath my sweatshirt. I'm not sure if any of the other parents noticed since I was avoiding eye contact and trying to decide if carrying two rats on the walk to school made me a cool mom or just a weirdo!

4. I have a very young-sounding voice. I'm 37 and sometimes when I answer the phone people still ask me if they can talk to my mom or dad. My daughter's gymnastics teacher thought I was her when he called our house. She was 7 at the time.

5. I went to Australia in May. My husband and my kids didn't go; it was just me and my dad. I loved Australia and I loved having that one on one time with my dad, but I hated being so far from my family for so long. Although, I did read more books over those 10 days than I had in months!

6. I went to Europe in June. Yes, I'm not kidding. I left for that trip 9 days after coming back from Australia. This time the whole family went. It was an amazing experience. We cruised the Mediterranean on The Voyager of the Seas. This was my first time on a cruise and my first time visiting Europe. I highly recommend both.

7. International travel is not typical for me--I swear! Although considering facts 5 and 6, it might not seem that way!

Okay, now who to tag.... I'm supposed to tag 7 people. Do I know 7 people who blog? I don't think so. So I'll go with 3.

• Cindy, because even after all this time, she still remembers me!


• Susan, since I have such fond memories of our ride back to the airport together after Surrey, plus I was thinking about her the other day when I drove past the exit that leads to the town where she grew up.


• And Karenna, since the last time I had to tag someone, I tagged her and she wasn't blogging then, but she's blogging now!

That's the best I can do--but it's better than nothing, right?

Oh, and can I say I hate this new version of blogger's spell check? Talk about not user friendly!

No, I mean it! I swear I'm still here!

I finally figured out how to make the switch to Google and the new blogger. Things are rolling along, and I'll post a new entry about my latest goings-on in a day or two.

No really!

I promise!

I'm still here!

So why is it that I've seemingly abandoned my blog?

Is it that I've stopped work on my novel?

Nope. I've edited over 200 pages and am still working steadily.

I think it's because of The Artists's Way. Every morning I write three pages about whatever's rattling around in my head, including my thoughts on the writing process. The morning pages have helped me deal with my writing-related fears and so I haven't had much to blog about. Guess I need to come up with a new theme for Pointed Squiggle. I am finding a balance and feel much more at peace about pretty much everything. Amazing, huh?

Right now I'm editing the 5th 50-page chunk of my manuscript. This is the trickiest chunk by far since the story here has a couple of holes I've been trying to figure out how to fill. I think I've got it worked out, though and once I have this section nailed, I'm expecting the remaining chunks to go faster. As nutty as it is to admit, I should be ready to send the whole thing out before too long.

Wow!

Merry Christmas!

I survived reading deprivation week and I survived Christmas. Also, I handed out the 2nd 50 and am working away on the 3rd.

So, things are fine! But a dedicated, interesting blogger I have not been of late. Sorry! Thanks to anyone still bearing with me. I'll try to come up with something new here soon!

Happy 2007!

Reading Deprivation

As I mentioned a couple of entries ago, I'm doing a creativity program called The Artist's Way. Each week we're supposed to do exercises to help us become more creative. This week I'm not supposed to read. Anything.

I'm panicking!

I read so much. It's a huge part of my life. But I also know that one of the reasons I read is to block out my own thoughts. By depriving myself of other people's words and thoughts for a week, I should become more in tune with my own.

I don't want to do this. I can't imagine doing it. But I'm going to do it.

It means no reading on line either. So I'm going to un-plug.

See you next Saturday.

Ack!